Susquehanna Hat Company
So she said fuck this town
Nothing’s ever going down
Spun herself round and round
Drilled herself into the ground
Twenty kids fell in that hole
I was twenty-one out of control
She crawled right inside my brain
She’s some mental hurricane
All you do is say her name
Everybody goes insane
So I said screw that girl
She’s the end of the world
I don’t like what she does to me
Makes me hate my memory
I said things I am ashamed
To the girl with three first names
She crawled right inside my brain
She’s some mental hurricane
Good Kill
Some people think that they’re in commercials
Some people treat you like you don’t exist
Sometimes I’d like to go to a McDonald’s
Shoot some people as they walk in my sights
All the same I’d never join the army
All the same I’m still ashamed at night
C’mon baby let’s fight the good fight
Against all good fights
Some people think Rod McKuen is a poet
Some people think there’s evil folks and good
Some people vote to electrocute the bad ones
They stand outside the prison and cheer when the lights go dim
I know everybody is my brother
Even my brother though I don’t care much for him
William Holden Caulfield
He called me William Holden Caulfield
It was no compliment
What’s wrong with William Holden Caulfield?
All the stuff that bummed me out ten years ago
Still bugs me today, and boy I wanna know
Who died and made you my mom, and me some stupid kid
How can you forget all those things we did
So keep on sleeping on
Until your hair is grey
When I turn eighty
I better feel this way
I’m afraid of people who like ”Catcher in the Rye•
Yeah, I like it too, but I don’t know why
People he’d despise say I feel like that guy
I don’t wanna grow up, cuz I don’t wanna die
When I’m thirty-one
Then keep living on
For fifty more years
I respect the man in Sunset Boulevard
Got a heart somewhere just won’t let down his guard
Doesn’t trust happiness or the bad luck that it brings
He’s lonely and he’s cold, and he’s proud of these things
I said I’m cold
And I’m lonely
I’m proud of these things
Crush Story
You could power a city with this
I am useless, I am a mess
I am the smallest giant ever
Don’t know how long it’s gonna last
Everything’s moving fast
I am the smallest giant ever
Everything you’ve ever said is brilliant
Anything you wanna do is fine with me
This is much better than love, babe
This is a crush story
Misunderstand me
Hey miss, understand me
I just wanna lay my head in your lap
Everything you’ve ever said is brilliant
Anything you wanna do is fine with me
This is much better than love, babe
This is a crush story
Pirate
All my clothes were dirty
So I threw em all away
Time for some new ones, anyway
I’d like to rob a bank
I’d like some help
Feel like I’m trapped in a book about someone else
I’m just sitting here waiting for a train
Tomorrow I’ll be waiting here again
While the pirate in me
Is lost somewhere at sea
Sometimes I want the world
Sometimes I want a girl
Right now all I want is a reason
Everyone thinks he’s crazy
Everyone is right
Everyone should sleep with everyone tonight
I’ve got a beard
I’ve got a gold hoop in my ear
It’s time to rape and pillage
Break the windows in this village
King of Beers
Gonna feel like hell tomorrow
So I won’t go to sleep tonight
Na na na na na na sorrow
Everything’s gonna be all right
I am invincible
I have no fear
I am benevolent
I am the king of beers
I love all my friends
I wish they would go away
I say stupid things
Forgotten them all by Monday
Please don’t remind me
A man’s bar is his castle
And this stool is my throne
Why am I such an asshole?
Why am I here alone?
She’s so beautiful
I swear I’d sleep with her brother
I’m so beautiful
I never met her but I love her
Please look over here
I’d take a trip
But anywhere I went
My head would come along with me
Nothing On My Mind
It’s not important
This stuff that I’m afraid of
I’ve got a bugle someplace
Let’s get a parade up
We’re near the water
I know a guy with a boat
It doesn’t have any motor
We can just sit and float
I’ll give you a coloring book
You can draw outside the lines
I’ve got nothing on my mind
My cousin died at a Who concert
He was camping out in line
Me and him went camping, once
I’ve got nothing on my mind
That’s my favorite song
Baby do you wanna dance
If you’re happy and you know it
You got to clap your hands
I’m out of control
Je t’aime le rock and roll
Pride of Frankenstein
Every village has to have an idiot
Some harmless monster to soak up all our fears
Ours hangs at the Hartsdale Cheesery
Writing down the license of every car he sees
Lots of stories how he got that way
No one knows where he goes at the end of the day
We threw rocks at him when we were nine
Stared us down with the pride of Frankenstein
He’s got the pride of Frankenstein
Sometimes I feel like that village idiot
A babbling fool that children should avoid
My smile’s too wide, my shoes don’t stay tied
I can’t get a decent haircut to save my life
Baby it’s sad, baby it’s a fact
There are people with torches for people like that
This is a song for those who can’t sing
I want to buy you all a diamond ring
And if those diamond rings don’t shine
We can all share a jug of cheap red wine
And the pride of Frankenstein
Sandbox
It’s raining today
Left my car window open
There’s no place to park
It’s Christmas, Christmas time again
All the kids are crying
In this stupid mall
Nothing that I’m buying
Makes any sense at all
I can see myself in my sandbox
Nothing gets me down in my sandbox
Gonna spend some time in my sandbox
It’s a mean old world
There’s darkness neverending
Darkness inside me
I just stopped pretending
It’s always summer
On my bedroom floor
Brought the beach to my house
Won’t go outside no more
Raining today, no place to park, car’s out of gas
TV’s broke, your phone’s off the hook, faucet drips
Drip drip drip, this fog’ll never lift
Where is the sun?
There used to be a sun
Gramatan
Gramatan
You stupid Indian
You thought you had the best of us
No man owns the land
Now these houses cost five hundred K
We wouldn’t sell you one anyway
Gramatan
You crazy Indian
You’re not like the rest of us
You’ll never understand
First comes the snow
Then come the rains
The kids go to day camps
With Indian names
It’s getting dark
Go on and make your mark
Then come and have a drink with us
Tell us what’s in your heart
Gramatan
You crazy Indian
You’re gonna learn to think like us
No man owns the land
Thanksgiving in Reno
At the $5.99 buffet
In Reno on Thanksgiving day
Nobody seemed to care
Why anyone else was there
Me and my buddy Jay
Watched bad cover bands play
Got little drinks for free
Kept betting on 23
We got drunk
We got sad
I met a girl who said
She could save me
She said, “I am a hug
I wrap around you and I scrub
You’re made of dirt my dear
I scrub until you disappear
That’s what absolution means”
She put a dollar in a slot machine
Three triple bars came up
We won six hundred bucks
We got stoned
We had sex
I had a dream about Evel Knievel
Some of this is true
Some of this is better
We got drunk
We got sad
Wish I met a girl
Who said she could save me
We got stoned
Didn’t have sex
Really had that dream
About Evel Knievel
Long Haired Guys From England
All the girls in the music biz
Have credit cards they subscibe to Ms.
But they only want to fuck
Long haired guys from England
There’s this girl at my record company
I dig her but she doesn’t like me
I met her boyfriend the other night
He had a pony tail and he didn’t talk right
He was a long haired guy from England
Long haired guy from United Kingdom
All the girls in this here bar
Will treat you like you’re a star
Don’t get excited it’s just luck
They’ll ignore you if the guy from the Cult shows up
Cuz he’s a long haired guy from England
Long haired guy from United Kingdom
I’m getting on an aeroplane
Going someplace where the girls are sane
I bet in London I could get a date
Cuz I’m a short haired guy from the United States
I’m not a long haired guy from England
Long haired guy from United Kingdom
That’s the end of this here song
It’s about as short as my hair is long
So I’m getting on my motorbike
Going someplace where the girls don’t like
Goodbye Ohio
There’s no one famous from my hometown
Unless you count one astronaut
Who’s never been to space
And probably never will
But he’s our hero, still
Must be tough on the astronauts
I bet they get bored easily
Cuz how does it feel
To look up at the moon
And say, “Yeah, I’ve been there”
Cold in this place
It’s lonely in space
Goodbye Ohio
Saw this guy on the Tonight Show
Kayacked his way to Hawaii
The host was amazed
“What will you do next?”
“Write the book, I guess”
I’m no fool, but I’m no Einstien
I’m bothered by infinity
No laws on the moon
But you still can’t burn the flag
It might be cool to try
Floating in space
I see God’s face
It’s just some clouds
Theme Song
Meet our band of merry men
Shake the hand of every one
We’ll eat your food and steal your wives
Buy us beers we’re friends for life
We only shoot when shot at
We give away what we don’t need
We live for fun and freedom
We stamp out fear and greed
To create you must destroy
Smash a glass and cry Too Much Joy
We sleep on floors and live on crumbs
We’re a bunch of ugly bums
A great idea when we were smashed
Turning anger into cash
We ain’t seen much but we don’t starve
We drive around in our moms’ cars