Lyrics: Singles and Non-Album Tracks

Canadian Girlfriends

When I was 13
I was so confused
And there were sadder kids
The rest of us abused

And every now and then
One of them would claim
He had a girlfriend
With an exotic name

A million minds are dreaming of
A land where freaks earn perfect love

A million minds won’t be denied
They need a place to live inside

It’s a lonely world
Everybody’s scared
All we really want
Is someone else who cares

Now there are nights I dream those girls are real
And I should travel north and find a place to kneel
In a glade somewhere when the daylight ends
I’ll wait for my own Canadian girlfriend

G.I. Jesus

Make up your own — that’s what we did

Hey Merlin

The path to the house is overgrown
The door swings open
There is no one home
They say a man lived here many years ago
But what happened to this man no one knows

They say he had some magic friends
And they all met tragic ends
Banished and scattered the wizards died
And now all the legends lie

Hey Merlin, Hey Merlin
Don’t believe a word they say
Hey Merlin, Hey Merlin
It was worth it anyway
Living backwards in time
Losing your mind

You fall from grace before you’re there
They soil your name to protect theirs
All laughter and joking is illegal now
They’d ridicule you but they don’t know how

Just Around the Bend

Just around the bend
There are some people
They gonna be our friends
Just around the bend
It’s spring then summer
Then spring then spring again

Around the bend
This road has got to end

Sweat in my eye
My head it aches my feet they hurt
Throat is getting dry
My fingernails are caked with dirt

This is not what I asked for
This was meant for someone else
All we want
Is a little for myself

Just around the bend
There is a cafe
Best food you ever ate
It don’t cost nothing
They let you break the plates

Bugs on the windshield
These wipers don’t do anything
Holes in the floorboard
Scrape the skin right off my feet

Seems we been driving always
This old car ain;t even mine
Odometer is turning
Watch it read 999999

Just around the bend
There is a woman
The one you’re waiting for
We’ll ditch this old car
Won’t need it any more

Just around the bend
There is a woman
She’s gonna comfort you
Just around the bend
You do what you want
I do what I want, too

Mystery Limousine

Gliding down the street
Gliding down from heaven
Big black limousine
Created by the gods

Who-oo’s inside?

Gleaming metal
Three blocks long and
Five blocks wide
Mystery limousine

You can look and
You can dream but
You can’t ride
Mystery limousine

Driver’s got sunglasses
I bought a pair just like him
Now my eyes are just like limo windows

Who-oo’s inside?

Gleaming metal
Three blocks long and
Five blocks wide
Mystery limousine

Police escort
Stopping traffic
Naked girls astride
Mystery limousine

Limo picked up a hitchhiker
They found him by the side of the road
His twisted, broken body
In a pool of red, red blood
Gravel, glass and black paint
Unseeing open eyes

Never Work

Walking down the city streets
My favorite sneakers on my feet
Shine so bright they hurt my eyes
There is magic in the skys
Behind the windows
And in the shadows

I like the picture in my hotel room
It is bolted to the wall
I like the lights outside my window
I like the long walk down the hall

Never work!
Get around the hardest part

Elevator in that building
Full of people thinking bout killing
Time or each other
So look out brother
They never touch they rarely speak
They stare at the brown shoes on their feet

There is a room inside my room
There is fruit on every tree
There is a devil outside my window
He’s got a fat paycheck for me

Get around the hard part
Run around after dark

No One Can Be That Stupid

Swimming in the pool
Five years out of school
And my girl, she’s there too
She says your favorite game
is “I’m drowning, will she save me?”
I can’t play those games no more

No one can be
No one can be
No one can be that stupid

Wanna know which one’s you
What you think or what you do
You say we’ve got some news for you kid
We got some new laws
Designed to protect you and yours
Now no one can be that stupid

Words are criminals
Kid, I kid you not
I meant just what I said
But what I said I forgot

Not sure which one’s me
And my girl, she wonders, too
She says, “Tell me, Dad
How’d things get so bad?
You said no one could be that stupid

Rap Like Mine

We’re ffourwhite boys
Who grew up in the burbs
We’re nice to our parents
And we don’t smoe herb
Very much

I’m Sandy
And I’m TQ
We’re Too Much Joy
Who the fuck are you?

We like to have fun
And play with toys
We make the Beastie Boys
Look like the Beastie Boys
We’re from New York
But we’re not locals
Our albums sell
Beuse of the vocals

Ruby Left a Present Underneath The Christmas Tree

Ruby left a present underneath the Christmas tree
Ruby left a package with a tag made out to me
It’s sitting there with ribbons on for all the world to see
Ruby left a present underneath the Christmas tree

The first time I met Ruby well my heart began to pound
It beat so fast I thought she’d ask, “Hey what is that sound?”
But she was with another so my love I had to hide
Now she’s bought me a present and I don’t care what’s inside

Don’t mind if it’s a book about Feng Shui or Jesus Christ
I’ll treasure it forever and I might even read it twice
I feel just like a kid when she treats me like a man
If I believe in Santa then anybody can

I don’t need no egg nog, don’t need no mistletoe
Don’t need romantic music playing on the stereo
When Ruby picked a present and then wrapped it up just so
She told me everything that I could ever want to know
I got just what I wanted
When she got something for me

Soft Core

I’ve got a neat idea about the way that things could be
And I’d appreciate it if you’d listen to me
It’s not just drinking beer
Though I admit that that wouldn’t hurt
It’s about holding off the time we’re six feet under dirt
Fighting is bad and nuclear missiles are dumb
And it’s really sad we ever invented the gun
War’s a stupid thing
Everyone agrees
So let’s put down our weapons
And sing a song of peace

Pretty please with sugar on top
I’d appreciate it
Thanks a lot

There are those you’ll dislike
And those you’re bound to hate
But maybe just once
You should ask one on a date
You might only argue
But you might just learn something
You might dance awhile
You might join hands and sing
Not praying to a god who I’m not sure exists
If yours does, that’s cool
I hope that he’ll assist us
As we fight the good fight
Against all good fights
Bring us good days
And help us make it through the night

You might laugh at me
Say you’ve heard all this before
You might just turn away
And go back to your war
Then you’ll probably explode
And take me with you, too
I’m just saying that’s not a thoughtful thing to do
I know it’s not realistic
But I have to confess
It’s rationality that got us in this mess
I’ll be stupid for you
If you’ll do the same for me
We’ll hurl pies across the world
And change some history


The sunroof’s open
And I can see the stars
And something else
That’s either a satellite or Mars

The radio’s going
But all I hear is the wind
The dashlight’s broken again

It don’t take much to make me happy
All these people look so miserable
It don’t take much to make me happy
One nation under God invisible

Gonna ride a rollercoaster
Gonna light off fireworks
Gonna love this whole world
Till it hurts

Society is just a party
Our invitations must be lost
Noses pressed against the window
The glass frosts

Take a Lot of Drugs

Take a lot of drugs
You owe yourself some fun
Drink a lot of beer
I won’t tell no one
Have a lot of sex
Leave on all the lights
Play a lot of pool
Ignore the changing times

When the world ain’t your friend
And you ain’t got a friend in the world
Take a lot of drugs
And to another world you’ll be hurled

Take the day off work
Swear on live TV
Burn all your clothes
Roam naked and free

When life ain’t your friend
And your friends ain’t for life
Take a lot of drugs
And everything will be all right

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